Stupid Cupid.

Five

Sometimes i just sit and think about how well cupid does his job. He provides a love you've never felt or seen before when he wants and where he wants. Cupid has no time, no limits or a goddamn heads up and that's part of one of the beauty of his work. Not only does love come in the strangest ways but it hits you like a truck when you're least expecting it. The fucked up part is, it hits you just as hard when you're prepared for it too. There is no escaping it. But the point is.... You. The first time i laid my eyes on you i was instantly intrigued. Not by your beauty cause that on it's own was an attempt to suffocate me but it was the way you approached life. Before you i found it embarrassing to say to anyone "You're different." because honestly everyone is. We're all fucking unique so of course the next person will be different. We tend to let those words pull us in an illusion 'You're different'. But what made you different was how you were your true self. You never fell under the spells of society. Every time you walked into the room you managed to get me on the edge of my seat just by batting an eyelash. "Normally" we'd say 'when i'm with you the stars align' but with you that's not the case. The stars don't align. Infact they scatter all over the galaxies, twinkling across the universe that is you and the universe that is me. Your love was sudden and harsh, it gave me no time to prepare. It was no jolts of electricity running down my spine and giving me goose bumps. It was bolts of lightning striking straight to my heart, reviving the depths of who i am. You looked at me and saw another soul who was gonna mistaken you for a lost girl hopping around darkness and looking for trouble where it wasn't. But i saw you and saw a girl who carried the truth of who we are and who she is, a girl no one bothered to give an extra minute so she could share with you the beauty she withholds, instead they threw you in the fire and said you caused it. Short skirt, lace leggings, a jacket too little and one too many cigarettes dragged on restricted buildings.

Four

Skipping classes was never of interest to me. Not even in the slightest before your leather black boots clicked through my veins. When I caught you against stone walls, staring up at the sky throating the cancer stick, my palms produced more liquid than ever. So as i nervously pulled out my pen and sketch pad, they slipped through my hands making it almost impossible for a solid dry grip. I fiddled with the pen and sketch pad, frustration washing down my face as i so desperately wanted to ink you down on paper. i looked at you and saw art, i saw all art. I saw illusions and chaos, i saw simplicity and peace, i saw abstract and uniqueness and i saw still-life. Before rain fell i caught a glimpse of your mascara running down your face, and it knocked me down. For the rest of that day i wondered who that tear belonged to, did they deserve it? was it worth it? I stood in the shadows, hiding myself while my eyes lingered on fine art. "Is it the red eyed creature who peeks through the trees?" You asked. I wasn't ready to get caught but you did. You were calm, standing under the rain with your almighty beaut. The ringing sound of the impact of my heartbeat rang through my ears. "Does he utter words or growls through the night?" you quoted from my favourite book. My astonishment formed wide wrinkled grins. "A beast is only curious. I will shut my eyes if a girl is frightened." I responded, stepping out of my hiding place and you whispered "A girl is not." A moment where our pupils connected, our worlds exchanged and we were unaware.

Three

We were robbed. We were robbed of time. Six hours with you never was. Father time had no mercy instead an hour was a minute. But we made the best of each second passing by. We were two completely different personalities with different values and approaches to life. I woke up and let the world puppet me into a cage of law and animosity. You woke up and chose to live. I did what i was told was the right thing but you woke up and did what you saw was right. You were the queen of your own world while i lived by what other people said i should live my world.

One would think two different worlds would clash but we didn't. We didn't create a bond but we became the bond. A knot of awakening love, a dangerous source that generates so much more than you could ever imagine. Like how all your emotions start depending on a troubled teen in the ages of exploring. Your happiness, your anger, frustration, sadness and jealousy. All sitting on a cliff waiting for triggers to start your day. "You're my mood ring." You said, laying under a tree and staring up at me. "You're my yellow." i responded and right after you swatted my arm for having 'a cuter comeback'. When your world entered mine i was flabbergasted. You came with rainbows and sunshine, our days filled with laughter and smiles. You also came with a hurricane, but stained cheeks never looked so good. Our high of love defeated all, we conquered more than we thought. We slayed your demons one by one till you were a happy soul. For that, you never wanted to let go. I became your drug, a constant in your life, an addiction and i loved that because you were my drug too. You ripped away all my insecurities and broke down my walls. You felt safe and so you were, we both were. We became happy. We became satisfied with time. Well you became satisfied with time. Because you didn't know how time looked like in my eyes.

Two

Reality hurt like a bitch when I took a sober minute and realised I only had two rose pedals left. For only a minute was i sober of our love before i fell all over again. The taste of strawberry vodka on your lips mixed well with your sweet cinnamon scent. You drew me in that night, a half moon caressed your soft skin with a soothing touch of impurity. Your finger tips ignited sparks of tender intoxication on my skin till a fire rose within the depths of me. You were my privilege, a blessing and a curse, the woman who flipped my universe like a pancake. "I live for you." You said. Not gonna lie i was taken aback. I trembled and stumbled into confusing emotions. And so the fear came, the fear of a secret ready to gun us down. As we lay on my bed i stole a quick glance at the red rose beside my bed. It had two pedals left. A dreadful thought crossed through, a thought of the last pedal quietly and swiftly falling to the ground. "When are you throwing out that rose. It's basically dead." That soft chuckle escaped your lips right before i planted a gentle peck. I took it and placed it in your hands, caressing it's last two pedals the way your caressed my skin. "Keep this for me okay? Take care of it."

"It only has two pedals left, there's nothing left to take care of. What's the point"

Oh sweet girl of my fantasy. I have never loved another human being as deeply as i love you.

"Now is when it's most beautiful. Now it speaks more than it ever has, it is more real and alive than it has ever been. When it is bent and almost rotten. Now it feels." My eyes bored into her honey brown orbs as she stare back at me with crunched brows of confusion. A sad smile formed on my face and like the flower i felt.

"Feels what exactly?"

"Curiouser and curiouser."

Your pretty small eyes rolled before you demanded an answer. So i gave you one "Fear."

This time it was a throaty laugh that left your lips "Of what smarty pants?"

Oh sweet girl of my dreams, how i wish our love could be eternal. A never-ending journey between the stars.

"Look at it." i chuckled "What else would it be fearing right now?"

"For starters it's just a stupid flower, also i just remembered you promised to make me spaghetti and mince-..."

I tried. I tried to open my lips and just blurt out what sat on my heart but i couldn't and it killed me. Everytime I told myself i was gonna confess you'd flash a full smile, knocking me down to my knees. All i wanted was to see you happy forever, to see you happy until my last breath.

So for hours we talked and talked about everything and anything. We promised each other the sky and the ground, even the earth itself. I promised you everything, i promised you I'd go to the ends of the earth for you. We painted a picture so beautiful, where we had kids and our own house far away from everyone.

You were laying on my chest, tucked and warm when you mumbled "well RIP to your rose, think another pedal just fell."

One

I knew it'd be soon but not that soon. I wasn't ready, time wasn't being fair and i hated it.

"Your heart's beating really fast." You laughed.

It wasn't just beating fast, it was breaking. It was aching and crying, protesting and clawing up my ribcage. My world froze, my mind was hazy. I clutched my chest and took a deep breathe, trying to compose myself but it was impossible. It all came down like a tsunami, hovering over me. I was powerless and scared so i held on to you. I hugged you so tight i didn't want to let you go. Within seconds i was watching a confused you staring back down at me, you slapped me, you screamed at me, you pulled me up and down, shaking me and asking if i was okay. My heart shattered into a million pieces, my worst fear had come to face me and i couldn't run away anymore. The face i was dreading to see now looked back at me. You were confused, frustrated and slowly you were breaking. I could see it on your face and i hated it.

"Why aren't you saying anything?! Wake up!!! Baby what's wrong?!!!"

I hated myself so much at that very moment. The same moment I've been running away from since the day i realised i had fell deeply and utterly in love with you. I had been so consumed by you i thought nothing else mattered but you. I didn't care as long as i had you and that was selfish. I never realised what i was doing to you, to me.